


The Little Red Hood

by wellthatjusthappend



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Identity Issues, Insanity, Joker makes Jason his Red Hood AU, Lack of good boundaries or edges, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Trauma, Stabbing, Stalker Tim Drake, Torture, fair warning it's the Joker so it's going to be messed up, implied mommy/daddy/baby relationship, pre Tim going to Bruce
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 21:44:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14174025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellthatjusthappend/pseuds/wellthatjusthappend
Summary: “Ooh, I know! I know!” the Joker says with glee wrapping the blood red cloth around Jason’s shoulders with a theatric flourish, “You can be my Little Red Hood! That way everyone knows you're mine!”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was the idea of TheOriginalSparky and it was really fun to figure out all the different details of the AU with them. I’m so glad I finally got the chance to write it! The premise was: what if Joker decided to keep Jason and make him the next Red Hood.
> 
> And then comes the angst.

15-year-old Jason Todd was dead.

“Another rich brat dead and gone, oh boo hoo boo hoo,” the Joker laughed kicking his heals back and forth as he read the article in the newspaper out loud in their most recent hide-out.

“He looks kinda like our Baby Jay,” Harley said from where she was seated with Jay in her lap as she pet his curls. Jay was a bit tall for lap sitting, although he was still quite lean. Once upon a time- or perhaps a different lifetime, Jay giggled- Alfred had worried that his growth might have been a bit stunted after years of malnourishment and life on the streets. Some of that could be corrected with careful diet and training but… Mista J and Miss Harley had both expressed that they liked his size so Jay would have to do his best to stay as he was.

“Silly Harley Girl, does our Jay look dead to you?” Joker said with a slight sneer.

“Nope! Our Baby Jay is much too cute, puddin’” Harley laughed giving Jay a big kiss.

“There’s a memorial service for the brat tonight, even though he’s been dead for months… hmm…” Joker pinched his lips together thoughtfully and rocked back and forth a bit before jumping to the ground, “We should go!”

There was almost always screaming in Jay’s head, but some moments it was louder than others. Mista J sometimes said things that made his stomach twist up with the funniest feelings. Jay let out a little hysterical giggle of delight and the Joker gave him one of his wide gleaming smiles that meant that Jay was being his best boy.

“Oh yay! We haven’t gone out in almost a year!” Harley said in delight.

“Oh but of course! We had to spend some quality time with our new baby boy and Batsy couldn’t be allowed to interfere. It would spoil the surprise!” Joker laughed.

“Am I the surprise Mista J?” asked Jay.

“Ooooh yes, Baby Jay, you are going to be my best surprise I ever pulled on the Bat,” the Joker pinched Jay’s nose, his eyes gleaming with cruel glee.

“Does that mean I get to go outside too?” asked Jay with a little bit of awe. All his memories of the outside world were Jason Todd’s and those were so fractured and disjointed that Jay didn’t put in any stock in them. The Joker would tell him all he needed to know about the world.

“Yup! We’re going to give Batsy a fright!” said the Joker, “Which means _you_ are going to need something to wear.”

“Oooh! I love playing dress up with our baby!” Harley said clapping her hands before pulling them both to their feet. Jay went a little slower.

Harley’s dress up games often led to other games that Jay wasn’t sure how to feel about. Although, they were pretty effective at stunning the weeping and screaming boy in the back of his head into a shocked silence for a while.

"Why, my boy, I don't like that glum look on your face." The Joker's skeletal fingers pulled painfully on Jay's cheeks, "give me nice big smile. Aren't you happy I'm letting you see your old daddy?"

Bruce- no, Batman. He was going to see Batman again. Jay smiled a little too big for comfort and let all the fear, anticipation, dread, excitement, and desperation show through, "Yes, Mista J."

"Perfect! Show it to him just like that!" The Joker giggled, eyes shinning with anticipation. Batman was after all, Jay reminded himself, Mista J's favorite person in the whole world. 

Jay would do his best to be perfect for him. 

"Now what should you wear... decisions, decisions... can't have you make a shoddy showing. Not when you're _my_ boy now..." Joker rocked on his heels.

Jay felt a little bit of pride and fear at the reminder.

"Oooooh, I know!" Joker clapped his hands together and disappeared back in the costume closet, "we have to make sure he sees that pretty face of yours though... oh, yes, yes, this should work perfectly."

The Joker was suddenly right in front of him again. It was sometimes difficult to remember how fast he could be when he wanted to. Thankfully, Jay didn't do anything stupid like take a step back. 

"Here you go, hehe," the Joker grinned as he wrapped blood red cloth around Jay's shoulders, holding both edges so there was no escape, "it'll be perfect! You can be my little Red Hood! That way everyone knows you're mine."

“What if…” Jay hesitated.

“Speak up! You must have diction and enunciation at all times when speaking to your audience!” the Joker backhanded him swiftly across the face. The screaming in his head got a little quieter, a little more fearful, the way it always did whenever the Joker started to hurt him. Jay beamed up at the clown gratefully.

“Thank you Mista J, I will,” Jay promised, “I just meant, what if Batman catches me?”

“A good question, a good question my boy,” the Joker said cupping Jay’s face and stroking the ‘J’ that he had burned onto Jay’s cheek when he’d first decided that he was going too keep him, “Even if he does catch you, he can’t really do anything, can he? I ruined you for him, remember?”

“But what if I can’t get back to you?” insisted Jay trying to remember not to frown. The Joker would punish him if he did that again after being told not to, and then he might be in too much pain to do a good job with the surprise.

“Batsy won’t kill you,” the Joker waved his hand, “He’ll just try to _fix_ you which will be so much worse. You just keep doing what you do best until he doesn’t have a choice but to put you in Arkham and then we’ll come pick you up, m’kay?”

“Okay,” Jay smiled back.

“Mista J and Baby Jay,” Harely cooed, “My two favorite boys. You two look so cute.”

“Yes, now let’s get this show on the road!” the Joker laughed.

* * *

 

Jay watched in fascination as the crowd of people that had showed up Jason Todd’s memorial ran screaming away from the burning mess where he’d dropped the bomb. The Joker was cackling next to him, hand on the back of Jay’s hood to make sure he didn’t turn away from the mess. Harley was off causing mayhem with the people running for the exits with a bunch of Joker’s goons. The Joker was utterly pleased with him, which meant that all was right in Jay’s world even with the fire and the screaming people. Most of the people were probably just there to try and butter up to the Wayne money or try and take advantage of Bruce in his “grieving” state anyway.

He’d seen both Bruce and Dick in the crowd which that any minute…

“Joker!” Jay froze. He couldn’t help it: he’d never heard such utter fury in Bru- Batman’s voice. All at once Jason couldn’t breathe as the screaming in his head reached a fever pitch. He wanted to curl up and cover his ears but the Joker would hate that. He started to shake and shake, but the Joker tightened his grip on his head dangerously.

“Hey Batsy! Long-time no see!” the Joker gushed happily, “I just wanted to swing by and introduce you to the newest member of the family! This is my Little Red Hood! Say hello, baby.”

That’s right, he was Joker’s boy now. The rest didn’t matter. Jay got up and turned around, the smile on his face possibly even more fucked up than the one the Joker had praised him for back home.

“Hello Batsy!” Jay said brightly, “What cha’ya think? Don’t I look pretty?”

Batman made a quite terrible noise as he recognized him and his hand shook on his batarang. The Joker started to laugh uncontrollably. Jay saw the way Batman’s breathing was changing though and knew that things were about to get a lot more dangerous soon. Jay couldn’t say anything though because the Joker didn’t want to know anything about Batman’s secret identity so that they could play their game forever. This meant that Jay also was supposed to only think of him as Batman. It was hard though, and he slipped up in his head sometimes. He would have to work harder.

“ _What did you do to him_?!” Batman snarled.

“Aw, Batsy, do you wish I’d killed him?” asked the Joker with a mock pout though Jay could tell he was having the time of his life, “That can be fixed. C’mere baby, tilt up you head for me.”

Jay did as he was told and felt the cool press of a gun under his chin. Was the Joker really going to kill him? He giggled a little; it was a happy thought.

“No!” Batman lurched forward slightly.

“Ah, ah, ah, Batsy, not unless you want to see his brains decorate this rooftop,” scolded the Joker snickering. He lightly stroked Jay’s cheek over the brand, “And that would just be a waste now, wouldn’t it?”

“Robin, I’ll save you, I promise you-“

“Bit late for that,” the words were out of Jason’s mouth before he could help it. He wasn’t supposed to interfere with the Bat and Joker’s banter unless prompted but he managed to hold in the wince.

Fortunately the Joker didn’t seem to mind this time.

“Right you are my boy. Batsy stopped looking for you _months_ ago. He should really stop pretending to care.” The Joker traced patterns under his chin with the gun.

“No, Robin, I promise you, I thought you were dead, if there had been any sign that you were still alive I never would have stopped looking.” Batman’s voice was tortured, his grip on his batarang tight and dangerous.

“Oh Batsy, lying is just a no no.” the Joker laughed.

“Robin-“

“You know,” the Joker said, irritation creeping into his voice, “I’m getting rather tired of you ignoring me. Red Hood, go play with Harley for a while so Daddy and Batsy can play like grown ups.”

“Yes, Mista J.” Jay smiled and turned and jumped off the roof. He could hear Batman call after him and the gunshot and giggle that meant that Joker was demanding his attention again.

Jay landed hard on a fire-escape and quickly slid down one of the ladders. Running around the corner he saw lots of the Jokers men knocked unconscious and Harley and Nightwing fighting while guests still tried to escape. The cops were also closing in fast. The flash of Jason’s red cloak must have caught Harley’s attention because she laughed brightly.

“Hey Little Hood! Why don’t you take care of pretty boy here while I get the pigs?” she called.

“Another Red Hood-“ Dick started to frown turning his way before freezing when he caught sight of his face.

“Did’ya miss me, Big Bird?” Jay grinned.

“Oh, god Jas- Robin, you’re alive!”

“A matter of debate, but why don’t we play instead?” laughed Jay lifting his shirt to show Dick the bomb Joker had helped strap to him earlier that night. They had been planning to use it to mess with Batman, but… this could be just as fun. Jason activated the thing and the countdown started.

“What are you doing?!”

“Catch me if you can Big Bird!” Jay sang and took off down the street. There was no question if he’d follow. The police could arguably hold Harley off for a little while and a bomb was a much more immediate threat.

Dick was just as fast as Jay sort of remembered, but he was definitely better on the rooftops then he was on the ground. He’d never know the streets have as well as Jason Todd once did. He wasn’t born to them. Jay led him further and further away from the fight and potential backup for either of them. The Night was alive and crisp in his lungs and Jay was alive too in his own way. Jay laughed out loud and as he rounded the next corner and Nightwing dropped from the sky in front of him.

“Jason stop, let me help you.” Dick begged.

“What, I’m not good enough to be your Little Wing anymore? I’m hurt Dickie, really hurt,” Jay gave him a soulful expression before dissolving in a fit of giggles. There actually was a terrible ache in his chest but he was ignoring that.

Dick looked extremely pained but he dove for Jay anyways. Jay pulled out a pair of guns the Joker had given him and shot at him making Dick twist to avoid them.

“C’mon, dance for me Dickie Bird,” laughed Jason taking another shot. Once upon a time, Br- Batman had told him that Jason was one of the best shots he’d ever seen. He said it like a terrible thing. Jay grinned: now he was the terrible thing.

“Jason, please, let me get the bomb off you,” Dick pleaded as he dodged.

“Jason Todd is dead, haven’t you heard? You can send your condolences to Wayne Manor though,” Jay sang shooting at Dick’s feet and enjoying the way the acrobat seemed to almost defy gravity as he moved.

“Let me bring you home, Jason. You have no idea how devastated we have all been,” Dick said.

“I’ve got a new home now,” Jay hummed as his next shot narrowly missed Dick’s head.

“With Harley and _Joker_? They’re going to kill you Jason.” Dick said angrily, “They’re going to make you kill other people!”

“Oh Dickie, you have no idea,” Jay said with a slightly quieter smile. With his next shot he was out of bullets and Dick was ready for him. Jay was too and he chucked the heavy guns at his head, laughing when Dick knocked them aside with his sticks and proceeded to pin him to the ground.

“Let me save you damnit, Little Wing,” Dick cursed shoving up his shirt to get the bomb and clip the wires. Jay was laughing too hard to stop him so he simply watched him slide the deactivated thing far away from them.

“Aw too bad, looks like you got it off me after all,” Jay smiled up at him.

“Oh, god, Little Wing, these scars-“ Dick faltered barely touching the skin on Jay’s stomach.

“You’re so kinky Dickie Bird, and here I always believed you’d never go for a kid like me,” Jay pretended to misunderstand and wind his legs around Dick’s hips, “but we can play it that way if you like.”

Dick recoiled from him hard which gave Jay the opportunity to get his hands free and pull out one of his knifes instead and get even more room.

“Kidding~” Jay sang jumping to his feet.

“That’s not funny, Jason,” Dick said seriously.

“Oh come on, I think it’s hilarious!” grinned Jay as he swung at him and got blocked hard.

“Jason…” Dick bit out. Jay knew he was trying not to hurt him, but it just gave Jay a bigger advantage in the end.

“You know, Mista J says you were my big brother,” Jason said with a too wide smile as his knifes glanced off of Dick’s escrima sticks, “I don’t really remember anything particularly brotherly with us though, I kinda thought you were wishing Bruce had left me to rot in that alley rather than bring me back to replace you actually. But Mista J is always right so I guess it’s true.”

“Jason, god, no…” Dick faltered, a terrible expression crossing his face. Unfortunately for him his next block faltered as well.

“Hee hee,” Jay giggled as his knife sliced right through the armor of the Nightwing uniform and lodged deep. Dick stumbled and Jay helped him fall before climbing right on top, “I got you Dickie, I got you good.”

Dick choked on a pained sound. Blood trickled down his chin from the corner of his mouth. Jay leaned forward and licked it off his face. The taste and smell of blood was everywhere and Jay couldn’t stop giggling. The screaming in his head was getting louder and he was losing what little coherency he had quickly.

“I think I used to have a crush on you,” Jay breathed against Dick’s cheek, “My memories are all mixed up though so I can’t be sure. Mista J would know.”

“No- Jas- He’s lying to you…” Dick choked out.

“Mista J has never lied to me,” Jay reared back and snarled, “ _Batman_ is the one who lied. He left me there. I waited and waited- I tried so hard! But he never- I couldn’t-“

The screaming in his head was getting louder as was the sound of the Joker’s laughter as Jason’s bones broke. As-

“Jason…” Dick was trying to reach for him. Trying to comfort him? _Still the Golden Boy_ , his mind whispered a little hysterically.

“Oh _you_ ,” Jay scrunched up his face, “you, you, YOU, you… you… Dickie, hey Dickie aren’t you going to keep fighting me? C’mon, push me off.”

“I think… you got me a little too good for that Little Wing…” Dick smiled weakly. Jay’s head went blank for a moment.

“Hey no, that’s not allowed. Don’t die Dickie,” Jason begged, “Don’t make me be the one who killed you.”

“I’m so sorry Jason,” Dick said he breathing getting shallow in a way that was making terror sing through Jason’s veins, “I’m sorry we didn’t save you. I shouldn’t have believed you were dead without proof-“

“Stop stop stop!” Jason said not sure if he meant Dick’s words or the way Dick’s blood was soaking everything.

“-shouldn’t’of… stop looking for….”

“You stay awake! You’re not like me; You’re Batman’s favorite! He’s gotta come for you- he’s gotta- any minute-“ Jason’s could feel his world getting a little blurry with panic. Knew he was going to have one of his attacks soon. But he couldn’t, not while Dick was bleeding out. Jason knew there would be some gauze in Dick’s belt so he quickly disabled the familiar traps and wound it tightly around Dicks torso keeping the knife secured. At least Jason hadn’t pulled the knife back out or Dick would have already bled out. This would only buy a little time though.

He flipped Dick’s lenses and saw that his eyes had already rolled up.

“Someone! Anyone!” Jason yelled desperately, holding Dick’s face in his hands.

He couldn’t- not Dick- he couldn’t have killed Dick- he couldn’t- Jason couldn’t survive that and then there’d only be Jay and the horrible things the Joker could make him do-

“I-if-if-if we- there’s a-“ Jason’s head snapped up to see a terrified black haired skinny boy -maybe year or two younger then himself- with an expensive camera around his neck barely peaking out of the shadows, “At the-the end of the street-“

 _One of Leslies clinics,_ Jason remembered.

“Go get someone.” Jason ordered hoarsely. He didn’t want to risk doing more damage by trying to move Dick without causing more damage. Blood was already soaking through the bandages, “Dickie, Dickie come on…”

Footsteps running his way. Several of them.

“What happened?!” someone cried as the boy with the camera came back with several people from the clinic.

“We can get the story later,” Leslie said joining them, “You, get the stretcher ready, you go put pressure on the wound.”

There was a flurry of activity and Jason found himself being moved aside so Dick could be tended to.

“Are you one of his friends?” Leslie asked kindly.

He looked up at her numbly and Leslie recoiled. At first he thought it might be because of the large J burned into the side of his face, but then she said.

“You’re alive… oh you poor boy what have they done to you?” she started to reach out.

Jay bolted.

People shouted behind him but he couldn’t stop running. The attack that had been building all night was breaking and he needed to be back home. He needed Miss Harley to tie him down somewhere dark until the screaming in his head became background noise again. He needed Mista J to hurt him and explain things again until the world started making sense again. He needed- but he wasn’t going to make it all the way home before he broke.

Jay ducked into a dark alley and crouched behind a trashcan. The shell of who he used to be was weeping terribly about everything that had happened that night and before. Strong and awful enough that the tears were actually coming out in real life. A steady stream down his cheeks while his breathing went frantic and haywire. Jay pulled his red hood down far over his eyes until he couldn’t see anything but blood red. Until the neck of the cloak was choking him a bit.

It smelled like the Dick’s blood and the Joker’s playrooms.

Jay started laughing hysterically and once he started he couldn’t stop. He laughed until he was almost choking on the tears that were still coming. The alleyway was warped funny in his vision and was tinged with colorful insanity.

“Jason!” it was the boy from earlier crouching beside him. Too close.

Jay grabbed him quick by the throat and slammed him to the ground. The boy looked at him with shocked frightened eyes but he wasn’t fighting against Jay’s hold. Just searching Jay’s face for something- no, he knew what the kid was searching for. Or rather who.

“You… you… you!” Jay laughed breathlessly because he couldn’t help it at this point but he knew the screaming behind his eyes was dreadfully close to the surface. The desperate plea for the kid to run, run, run, get away from him because Jay wasn’t safe and this was just a kid (albeit one that was close to Jay’s own age) and Jason didn’t want to hurt- didn’t want to-

He could see the look on Dick’s face clearly when he’d stabbed him, when he’d- Dick- who he’d fucking _stabbed._

Jason let go of the kid’s throat and covered his ears as the frantic yelling and muttering in his head got so loud he could barely stand it. He squeezed his eyes shut and rocked back and forth back and forth, fingernails digging into his scalp till he felt blood.

“Maybe… this isn’t- isn’t real. Mista J has just been doing- doing another loyalty exercise with me… and the drugs are just real good this time.” Jay muttered to himself trying to get his shaking under control.

The other boy made a terrible pained sound at that and tried to sit up and reach for him.

“Where’s your- your self preservation kid?” Jay giggled grabbing the kid’s face impulsively and pulling on his cheeks.

“You- we’ve got to get Batman- he can help-“ the kid said.

“Really really not, kid,” Jay snorted feeling the truth of that force the voices in his head back a bit. Well except for the more interesting one, and as Mista J liked to say, what’s the fun if those were gone? Jay closed his eyes and laughed some more.

“Jason…” the boy said worriedly.

“Jason Todd is dead. Don’t you read the papers?” Jay giggled.

“You’re not dead,” the boy said- no, almost begged.

“Oh kid, you have no idea,” Jay laughed and laughed.

“I… I don’t understand,” the boy said frowning and concerned.

“I’m a bit dead,” Jay grinned finally opening his eyes and looking at the frightened but determined rich kid loyally sitting with him, “but mostly, I’m Jay.”

“Jay?” he repeated cautiously.

“Little Jay, see,” Jay tapped the brand on his face, “you can’t forget it. And you already know who Big J is.”

The other boy looked extremely queasy. It was quite a hilarious expression so Jay burst into another fit of giggles.

“Speaking of which, I better get home before Mista J finishes playing with Batsy or I won’t get a beating. You understand, of course.” Jay smiled widely getting to his feet. The tearstains on his cheek were almost dry. He didn’t feel firm inside like he did when Mista J or Miss Harley took care of him, but he could get back home now and that was what mattered.

“No, Jay, don’t go back. What if he hurts you?” the boy said clinging to the edge of his cloak.

“Then that probably means I needed it,” Jay grinned before patting the kid’s cheek, “But you better stay away now because Mista J isn’t going to keep you like he did me; he’ll just play some games with you till you die.”

“But-“

“Stay. Away.” Jason warned darkly.

The kid’s breath caught as he searched his face avidly.

“Anyway~” Jay grinned with a slightly sing-song voice, “Gotta go now~”

The kid stayed where he was while Jay skipped off, cloak fluttering out behind him dramatically. A small and terrified part of him in the back Jason’s head had a feeling that he’d be seeing the kid again despite his warnings.

* * *

 

Batman loomed over Nightwing’s bed and lightly touched his sleeping face.

“Will he be alright?” Bruce asked.

“Yes. He lost a lot of blood but fortunately he has a common blood type to it wasn’t too bad to get a transfusion. The operation was a success, but he’ll have to be bedridden for a while and we’ll have to watch the injury closely for infection,” Leslie said grimly, “He’s lucky he was so close to the clinic when it happened.”

Bruce grunted and swallowed back a wave of guilt and pain. Instead, he turned to the bloody knife sitting in the evidence bag by the table.

“I take it you don’t want me calling the police on this one,” Leslie sighed.

“No,” agreed Bruce stowing the blade in his belt.

“I don’t suppose you can tell me why Jason Todd is somehow alive and dressed up like the Joker’s little henchman?” Leslie asked coldly.

“I failed,” Bruce said simply, the cowl shadowing his face.

“Yeah, I got that one,” Leslie glared at him, “I can’t believe you brought both these boys into your personal war. They children, not soldiers to be sacrificed.”

“Nightwing is grown-“

“And he certainly was not when he started. Jason still isn’t grown. And now that monster has him.” Leslie snapped.

“I will get him back,” Bruce promised, though in his heart he worried-

“It may already be too late for that,” Leslie said covering her face with a hand, “I saw him. His eyes were…”

“Yes,” agreed Bruce feeling his chest tighten again at the thought of those flat blue eyes and the dead expression in them despite the smile on the owners face. His boy… his Robin…. How could Bruce have let this happen?

“Make sure Tim is safe too before you go back to your cave a brood,” Leslie sighed already seeming years older.

“Tim…?”

“Tim Drake,” Leslie clarified, “He’d the one who called us to the scene. He seems like he knows both your boys well and he’s always hanging around in the area. I tried to stop him, but he ran after Jason tonight. I just hope he’s alright.”

Bruce hummed in agreement, frowning hard and trying to piece together what that was supposed to mean. He carefully brushed back a lock of his eldest’s hair and touch his neck to reassured himself again that Dick pulse was steady and there. He’d send Alfred to come take Dick back home so Nightwing would be safe from prying eyes as he recovered.

As for Jason and this Tim Drake… he’d find them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I considered having this completely from Jason’s POV, but I decided little snippets from Bruce would be helpful since Jason’s POV is pretty colored by his insanity and conditioning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little thing to hold everyone over. My kitten was very unhelpful in the making of this chapter (always wanting one hand to be petting her or walking on the keyboard and making her own additions) but it arrived more or less on schedule. 
> 
> Warning: there will be angst, but you knew that coming into this story.

Jay stared at the ceiling enjoying the precious bit of silence in his head. These moments were still rare, despite the fact that it seemed with each day that Jason Todd became more and more like someone else’s memory. Like usual, a night between Joker and Harley where they played whatever games they could think of escalating in intensity and sadistic creativity until Jay either passed out or fell into a sort of physical shock where he couldn’t respond anymore and was therefore boring. After a night like that… well, all the screaming and distress in his head was choked out. There was no more pain or mental anguish. No more irrelevant memories of his past to make him sick to his stomach. Just Joker and Harley’s Baby Jay, a shell of a dead 15-year-old boy that was all hollowed out and empty inside and therefore couldn’t be hurt by anything anymore.

That feeling had become the new meaning of safety for Jay.

He hadn’t started actively trying to seek out the feeling yet, but he thought about it sometimes. The problem was that a part of him still felt a wave of raw panic at the thought of these sessions despite liking the final outcome. Jay had learned to enjoy most kinds of pain after living with Joker and Harley for a year; it was either that or be swallowed by it, and Mista J always offered pain like a gift – usually demanding a ‘thank you’ for most things he did to Jay – so wasn’t he supposed to like it? Still, the whole point of playtime was to push passed Jay’s limits so it wasn’t meant to be enjoyable. Jay had learned that the Joker grew quite bored when his plaything couldn’t show him true fear and anguish when he was playing with them, so playtime required extra creativity to make sure Jay was feeling all the things Mista J wanted to at their fullest extent.

A part of Jay idly wondered what would happen when he was too numb to be able to feel those things anymore. The Joker would grow bored of him fairly quickly, Jay was sure. And then what? He’d be tossed away? Jay couldn’t allow that to happen. But at the same time, he didn’t like any of the alternatives he could think of.

The first time that Joker and Harley decided to play with Baby Jay rather than torture Robin… that was truly the day Jason Todd stopped desperately wishing to be rescued from this hell and just started to disappear instead. Jay vaguely remembered thinking that the only thing worse then all the kinds of torture he’d gone through was all the things he’s asked for… and the possibility of Bruce ever finding out about any of it.

It was one of the many reasons Jason Todd could never go home.

This was his home now anyway, Jay reassured himself as he got up at last. Harley and Mista J were both out preparing for their next surprise for Gotham. Joker promised he’d have a special part in it, but Jay was grateful to be left out for the moment. He had a feeling that whatever it was they were planning was going to involve the Bat’s and…

He just knew it wasn’t going to be fun for him no matter how hard he tried to be the Joker’s good boy.

The silence in his head was not lasting like it usually did. Anxiety was creeping around the edges already filling him with a restless energy. Memories of Batman’s pleas in his ears, of Dick apologies as bloomed over Jason’s fingers… no, no, no, Jay shook his head. Whenever he started to think about that he lost coherency fast. Or maybe he got back coherency and it was just too painful? One of the two.

Instead, he thought about the boy with the camera. The only person that Jay had met on his own that wasn’t connected with Jason Todd. That had talked him out of a panic attack without hurting him. Jay wasn’t even sure that boy had been real, but he clung to the memory like a lifeline. Sometimes he pretended the boy with the camera was there with him when he was locked in dark rooms waiting for Mista J or Harley to remember to let him out. Just a voice in his head to talk to and keep his problematic reactions at bay. He wasn’t sure if that made him more or less insane in the end, but insanity was a good thing in his new fucked up family so it was just as well.

Today, Harley had forgotten to lock the door so Jay slipped out of the little dress she had put him in earlier- Jay wasn’t a fan of Harley’s games of dress up, but she’d wanted to play a game where he was a more traditional Little Red Riding Hood so that was that – and put on his regular Red Hood costume. It covered most of the bruises and burns on his skin so Jason figured he’d be good to venture outside.

He wasn’t strictly _forbidden_ from leaving the hideout, but he knew Mista J wanted to keep him to himself as much as possible lest he spoil any surprises he had planned. That was alright, Jay knew how to move around Gotham without being seen, blood red cloak or not. And he had this idea that if he could just get out of the base and feel the wind, that he’d be able to sink back into that empty head space again without needing another session like the night before.

Jay snuck out a window and began wandering the alleyways steering clear of the areas he knew Mista J would be overseeing. The air was just as damp and filled with the burn of pollution as he remembered it to be. It was also bring back hints of memories too though and it made Jason want so scream and throw himself into the sink of the ground but then he’d stain his cloak and catch it for sure.

He just needed to clear his head, Jay giggled tiliting his head up towards the smoggy sky. He just needed to shut down the background noise so he could go back to being the Joker’s good little boy.

“Robin…” breathed the boy with the camera.

“Robin is dead,” Jay sang back automatically, because really, who had time for hallucinations like this? No sane civilian would talk to the Joker’s Little Red Hood. Maybe this was his broken mind’s idea of helping him with his wish.

“Robin can never be allowed to die,” the boy said with conviction.

“Oh, what do you know?” Jason said bitterly.

“I know quite a bit actually,” the boy said challengingly, “I know your real name is Jason Todd and you are Robin.”

“Real is relative,” Jay dismissed, “Which you should know very well as a figment of my imagination.”

“I’m not a hallucination,” the boy said a little offended.

“Which is exactly what a hallucination would say,” Jay concluded, twirling his cape around his fingers idly.

“I’m not- I just- just saw you and wanted you to know Dick is going to be alright,” the kid said, his voice becoming a little small.

He stopped twirling the cape and went still all over. Intense pain and hope and guilt bloomed in Jason’s chest and he tried desperately to squash it.

“And I should care, why?” Jay asked resuming his fiddling with his cloak. He felt like there were cracks all through him though. Worse, he felt like the kid could _see_ them.

“You love him,” the kid said simply with absolute certainty.

“What are you supposed to be? The remnants of my destroyed conscious?” Jay asked, fully aware that he was sounding more and more like Jason by the second, “A little fucking Jiminy Cricket?”

“Jason, I _saw_ you. You were crying when you thought you’d killed him, you-“ the boy said in distress.

“Cricket, cricket, chirping away~” Jay sang.

“My name is T-“

“Shh, SHHHshhhShh…” Jay shushed him, “That’s just unnecessary, Cricket. You’re not real and you certainly don’t have a real boy name. Because if you were real, I might have to tell Mista J about you and he’d find you and squish you. That’d be so so sad. But you know what’s great? You’re not real so you can just be my Cricket, yeah?”

“You’re protecting me,” the boy said with a look of dawning realization.

“Nothing to protect,” Jay said cradling his face in his hands- a part of his brain curiously watching the other boy flush- and grinning at him, “you’re not real.”

“I knew you were still there, I knew you were still good,” the boy said reverently.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Jay laughed taking a step back, “As a figment of my imagination, you should really know better. Little birdy was gone after a month or so when daddy dearest didn’t come swooping in for the rescue.”

“Jay… Jay’s the one that survives no matter what, right?” the little Cricket said slowly, almost as if it caused him pain to think about.

“Now you’ve got it,” Jay booped him on the nose, “I’m Mista J’s boy, which means I’m so much better than before. Jason had to go.”

“No,” Jay’s Cricket said shaking his head a little desperately, “You can’t- don’t let Jason Todd die.”

“You would say that, Cricket,” Jay laughed, “But it don’t change the truth!”

“Jay, you can’t-“ Cricket swallowed, pain and queasiness in his features for a moment before his expression hardened, “The Joker will kill you one day or he’ll throw you away. He get’s bored of everyone eventually. Everyone except Batman. You know this, I know you know this, Jay. You’re not Harley. Your- your very survival depends on the Joker not getting bored of you and that means you _have to keep Batman desperate to get you away from the_ Joker. That is what keeps you interesting for the Joker, that’s the only thing keeping you alive: the fact that the Joker will always _need_ Batman’s desperation and that you can provide it to him. In order to do that Batman _has_ to have hope he can still save you.”

“You…” Jay breathed raggedly. He didn’t want to hear this. He _couldn’t_ hear this.

“Jason Todd can’t just go away.” The kid ploughed on, “If you let that happen, then- then you’ll just be another Harvey Dent that Batman has to lock away in Arkham and the Joker. Won’t. Care.”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Jay snarled shaking his head and clutching it taking a step back and coming up against the alley wall. No escape. As usual. A hysterical laugh bubbled up inside him and the pure insanity of the sound was almost soothing. As if that would block out everything the kid had just said. As if he hadn’t been terrified of this exact thing for a while.

“Jas-“

“You’re not real!” Jason grabbed him harshly by the hair, wishing that he could block out the kid’s winced. He didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t want to hurt anyone- “You’re not real! Cricket, cricket, Jiminy Cricket~”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m real or not, you know I’m right,” his Cricket said staring at him steadily. Jay couldn’t keep eye contact. People who stared like that were scary. Batman stared like that too sometimes, but Jason always knew he didn’t have to be scared of him because-

“I-“ Jay felt his breathing go ragged with panic, “Stop it, stop it, please, I can’t-“

“Not until you tell me Jason isn’t really gone for good,” his Cricket said firmly, though there was a touch of pain in his voice as well.

Jay slid to the ground and rocked back and forth silently burying his head between his knees.

“Please…” his Cricket begged him kneeling beside him.

If Jason opened his mouth he was going to puke. Instead he grabbed the kid’s hand and pulled it to where his hood and cloak were clasped. There were two pins holding the cape closed. The first was flipped inside the fabric and hidden for aesthetics. The second… was flipped inside the fabric and hidden because- well, _because_.

“Oh god, Jason…” his Cricket said through a shaky breath as Jason let his fingers trace the Robin pin.

“You should… you should take it away from me. Shouldn’t even be wearing it, not with what the- what _he’s_ going to make me do eventually.” Jason told

“What’s he going to make you do?” asked his Cricket, an almost fierce protectiveness coming over his face.

“God knows, something unforgivable. Or maybe he already has. Depends who’s counting.” Jason sighed, letting his head rest on the kid’s shoulder. He really didn’t feel or smell like a hallucination, but maybe he wasn’t giving his imagination enough credit. He’d certainly come up with some doozies under the various cocktails Harley was always managing to procure.

“Jason…”

“Is Dickie really going to be alright?” Jason asked, hating how small his voice was.

“Yes. He’s on bed rest, but I heard Alfred is taking care of him and he’s supposed to make a full recovery.” The boy assured him.

“I thought I’d killed him. I thought I’d killed him for sure,” Jason said feeling his mouth tug downward, feeling the edge of a sob he wasn’t allowed to have catch in his throat: if he started crying now, it felt like he’d never stop.

“But you didn’t,” his Cricket reminded him.

“ _This_ time. God, I- you don’t get it Cricket. This costume doesn’t have any armor on it for a reason: every time I fight them they have to choose between pulling all their punches and seriously hurting me. They- I think the goal is for them to seriously hurt me and then let them wallow in the guilt forever. That or they’re holding back so much I get in another lucky shot like last time and- fuck, I can’t-!” Jason said starting to panic.

“We’ll get through this Jason,” his Cricket finally wrapped his arms around him, the awkward but fierce embrace of someone who wasn’t used to giving or receiving hugs but still meant it very much, “I… like I said, Batman is desperate to save you. And he will.”

A part of him was deeply troubled by the fact that this kid could so effortlessly pull the fragmented remnants of Jason Todd to the surface. Another part insisted that it was handy because the kid was right: he couldn’t afford to let that part of him die until he figured out another way to keep Joker’s attention.

A fact that was going to mean no small amount of pain.

“Why don’t _you_ be Robin since you seem to be all full of hope and all that shit?” Jason snorted a little cynically.

“ _Me_?” the kid looked startled as if the thought had never crossed his mind, “No, I could never- _you’re_ Robin. _You’re_ the one Batman needs right now. And he needs you so so much.”

“Then Batman,” Jason said pulling away with a bitter smile, “is fucked. There’s no coming back from something like this, Cricket. And Batman knows it too.”

“I don’t believe that,” he said stubbornly.

“And this is how we know you’re not real,” Jay laughed rolling to his feet, “The old me may not be as completely gone as I'd like, but he’s still a half remembered dream at best.”

“I won’t give up,” the hallucination promised.

“You don’t get a choice, Cricket,” Jay shrugged, “Now it’s past time for me to be back. I know you’re not real, but it’s probably better if you only appear when Mista J isn’t around since he get’s awful jealous when he doesn’t have everyone’s attention.”

“I- right. But I’ll see you again?” said the kid looking troubled.

“You tell me, Cricket.” Teased Jay, giving him a wet kiss on his cheek before turning and wandering back toward the base. When he glanced back, the boy with the camera was gone.

Just like a proper hallucination should be.

* * *

 

“I- I want to see Dick Grayson.” Tim said before he lost his nerve. The butler regarded him shrewdly for a moment before smiling slightly.

“You must be young master Drake, correct? Master Bruce said you might come by,” the butler said with a tired smile.

“Mas- I mean, Mister Wayne said that?” said Tim nervously. Did that mean they knew he had been following them? But surely Batman would have confronted him. After all, he was a security risk.

“Yes. Master Dick is resting at the moment, but he won’t mind the disturbance. I’m afraid that he becomes quite bored when he’s injured, so I am sure he would appreciate a visitor.” Alfred said leading him through the halls briskly.

Tim didn’t doubt that. He had never met someone who lived so fully in their body like Dick Grayson did. Having to lay still for days at a time had to be a special kind of hell. Tim still wasn’t sure how much that they knew that he knew and a part of him was terrified about the possible consequences of this visit. But he couldn’t turn back; Jason was more important than whatever might happen to Tim.

Alfred knocked once on Dick’s door before opening it and allowing Tim inside.

“Mister Drake has come to visit you, and I thought some company might do you good for a change,” Alfred said in a quick business-like manor. The dark scowl that had been on Dick’s face when they’d first entered dissolved into surprise as he caught sight of Tim.

“Ah, well I suppose I’m not going anywhere anyway,” Dick said hurriedly covering up anything else he might be feeling and offering an awkward smile, “pull up a chair kiddo.”

Tim fidgeted, sitting down uncertainly next to the bed as Alfred left to procure some tea and biscuits for them. Somehow, in all his thoughts about doing this, he’d never considered all the social pleasantries they’d have to navigate. A part of Tim that was purely a fanboy was freaking out about being in Dick Grayson’s room and wanted to carefully catalogue everything from the posters on the wall to the eclectic mess of souvenirs scattered around the room.

“So, you wanted to see me?” Dick said with a friendly smile, “Sorry I can’t be a better host, I had a bit of a gymnastics accident-“

“You don’t need to lie. Not to me,” Tim blurted, “I was there that night. After- I had been at the funeral and I followed after I saw you and Jason take off. I thought I had lost track of you two when I heard Jason screaming for help… um.”

Tim paused because the look Dick was giving him had lost all of its friendliness.

“Why are you here, kid?” he asked dangerously.

“I just…” Tim swallowed, “I needed you to know Jason’s not totally gone. I needed- Robin is not dead. Even when Jay’s at his craziest, he still keeps his Robin pin hidden from the Joker, he still- He came back to himself and tried to save you once he realized how badly he’s hurt you… he was so distraught, he cares about you so so much-“

“God, kid, I know you mean well but I can’t hear this right now-“ Dick said, his hands tightening on his sheets.

“You have to hear this,” Tim insisted more desperately, “They’re hurting him, Dick. I saw him today and the limp he had was just awful, and he had all these bruises, I- we have to get him away from them, we have to-“

“One moment,” Tim jumped as Bruce stepped away from the doorway. He wondered how long he had been there and how much he had heard, “You saw Jason today? Where?”

“Yeah, I… in an alley in the arts district,” Tim swallowed, “He- he has these panic attacks sometimes. I think- I think some part of him still knows it’s not safe to have those around Joker and Harley. Some moments, even when he’s talking and laughing, it feels like there’s no one home. Other times it’s so very clearly Jason… he kept trying to protect me the whole time.”

“A split personality?” Bruce asked gravely, and both Tim and Dick winced, no doubt thinking of Harvey Dent.

“Not a true one I don’t think… more like his mind doesn’t seem able to handle everything he’s been through so he tries to put distance between everything that happened before the Joker and the role he has to play now… he keeps saying over and over that he died. I’m not sure if that’s something the Joker told him or if that’s what it feels like to him. Maybe both.” Tim said hesitantly, very aware that he was speaking to Batman, _the Batman_ , and a part of him was absolutely terrified.

“Bruce…” Dick reached for the other slightly, but Bruce just shook his head.

“Rest Dick, I will catch you up on everything later. You don’t need this stress while you’re healing,” Bruce ordered shortly before turning on Tim again, “Tim Drake, why don’t you come with me and tell me everything from the very beginning.”

Tim swallowed, “Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jay's in rather a difficult position where disassociating is the only way he knows how to survive everything but in order to continue survive he may not be able to continue to disassociate. 
> 
> We'll see if his little Cricket can save him.


End file.
